The Chronicles of Chill: The Hand of Gambrach

Chill had long since departed the land and yea, did no one expect it to return until the battle was lost and won and the hurly burly done. Lo, where there no more bants, memes or tagging of hashish.

 

And it came to pass, in the season of electoralis minora, that the house of Apicuriam held electoralis minora federalis, to choose from amongst themselves one who would contend with King Gejoshaphat for the throne of all the 37 kingdoms in the realm.

 

Now, Gejoshaphat had served for one and a half quadrannia, having succeeded Yaraz of North Centralis, who perished in kingus interruptus. And Gejoshaphat desired and purposed in his heart to rule the 37 kingdoms for one more quadrannium.

 

And lo, there was no contention in the house of Padipalia against Gejoshaphat, for Markus Antonio, head of the senatus, together with elders of the house had presented themselves to Gejoshaphat, crying, “O good king, thou of good fortune and benevolence, master of patience, do not depart from the throne, we beseech thee! We would have no king besides thee!”

 

Gejoshaphat looked upon their pleas with mercy and yielded to their requests. “Ye are my people, and I your king. Far be it from me to reject your supplication.” And thus was there no rival in the house of Padipalia, for even the son of Baluwaz, the very first King of the realm, was discombobulated out of the running. And Gejoshaphat saw it and declared that it was good.

 

In the house of Apicuriam, after a minora federalis devoid of rancour, the delegates spake and chose Gambrach the Centurion as their champion. And lo, did Gambrach find their favour from amongst his peers Atikarias, Kwankwuzaiah, Rochashem and Samuel.

 

Atikarias had served as King’s hand to King Shegolas of Owurutas, but lo did he fall from Shegolas’s grace when Shegolas sought a third quadrannium which was against the laws of the realm. Atikarias had sought to be king for 3 quadrannia in the past but the word of Shegolas continued to cry against him.

 

Atikarias had not only traversed the 37 kingdoms, yea did he even draw nigh to the prophets of blog in the land of Social Media and Twilistia and was favoured of them. Alas it came to nought.

 

Kwankwuzaiah and Rochashem were kings of Kanorasia and Imoleka, respectively, seeking higher kingship. But yea, was it not to be. Samuel was a scribe, and it was said that his workmen at the scribery had not received wages in several moons.

 

Gambrach had once been king over the realm, in the time before time, when the men of Gunn ruled. Gambrach was a severe man of Gunn, given to diligence, uprightness, correctitude and was renowned for these qualities. And Atikarias had served the realm as a sentry in the time of the men of Gunn, when Gambrach was on the throne.

 

Gambrach had also frequently sought to be king in the here and now and was unvictorious in his battles with Shegolas, Yaraz and Gejoshaphat. At the time of his defeat at the hands of Gejoshaphat, he had sworn thus, “Yea, though I live to be a thousand years, never again shall I seek the crown of the realm. For the quest is a poisoned chalice, and it has drained me of everything.”

 

But there was a clamouring from across the realm, and the people cried out for a deliverer. For many felt oppressed under the officials of Gejoshaphat. And, as did Gejoshaphat, Gambrach hearkened unto the cry of the people. Furthermore as a bringer of change, it was not so farfetched for him to change his mind.

 

And there persisted a hurricane of unchill in the land.

 

It thereafter came to pass, after Gambrach had been elected from Apicuriam, that he was required to name his Hand. The people yearned for Fasholam but Shiwajun would not hear of it. Teximachus of Port Harcula, of whom it was said had matched Atikarias shekel for shekel at the electoralis minora, was also desirous of the Handship. But it did not fall upon him.

 

Shiwajun himself was said to be covetous of the Handship but it was not to be. Ayedeeeveedov, once-Prophet of Googlam, now chronicler of Moozes, had said many words in Twilistia against Shiwajun, but it was all obscure.

 

And then in the 13th hour of the seventh day after the minora election of Gambrach, yea, was it pronounced that Osinoshin, who had served as head-pharisee under Shiwajun, when Shiwajun was king of Gideria, was the chosen Hand of Gambrach.

 

And even though there was already a hurricane of unchill in the land, officials of Medieval Meteorological Services were compelled to upgrade it to a tropical storm of gaddem unchill. For Himaza spake on Gambrach’s choice of Osinoshin. And whenever Himaza speaketh, he entereth under the skin of the people of Social Mediana, Twilistia and Digital Perusia.

 

And there persisted a tsunamic gaddem lack of  chill in the land.

 

…To Be Continued

Let It Go – Wenger Sings

Are you a parent who’s been made to watch Frozen 78 times, and counting? Are you also an Arsenal fan? Did you nearly cry when Cesc Fabregas moved to Chelsea (because we had Ozil)? Do you groan every time he assists a goal?

Then this video is for you. Enjoy.

 

The Chronicles of Chill: Episode VI – Lost Gods of Lavatoria

 

 

“Delegates are the principal thing. Get delegates. And in all thy getting, get nominated. Even if the votes surpass the number of delegates in the land. For this is the will of the LOL concerning you.” – Ancient Mediana Scrolls

 

 

 

From the time of the proclamation of Moozes, wherein he averred that half of Gideria shitteth publicly, chill departed from the land. The people of Twilistia, in Elite Gideria and Naijasteros did brace themselves for a season of unchill for there remaineth no gaddem way that chill would return to the land until Jegatronix pronounced an end to the season of electoralis.

 

And yea, all over Naijasteros were there held electoralis minora. In the North Easteros region of Naijastros was a man named Nuhum. Nuhum desired in his heart that he would be King of Adamantium. Though he had been persecuted by Gejoshaphat and the house of Padipalia, he pledged fealty and his sword to them and was named their champion for electoralis majora.

 

In Gideria, King Fasholam, who reigned in the stead of his forbear Shiwajun, was not in accord with him. As has been foretold, Ambsalom found favour with Shiwajun and it pleased Shiwajun greatly for Ambsalom to rule in Fasholam’s stead at the end of the quadrannum. But Fasholam favoureth Shoopor of Mumbai and lo, were there tense moments in the Giderian house of Apicuria.

 

Fasholam stood with Shoopor and impresseth upon the delegatus to name Shoopor their champion for electoralis majora. But the hearts of the delegatus were hardened towards and Fasholam and endeared to Shiwajun. And they took no heed of the Tword that Ambsalom was of Ondonia, not Gideria, and did name him their champion for electoralis majora.

 

And all was well in the Giderian house of Apicuria. And lo, did Shiwajun make proclamation after the vanquishment of Shoopor, saying, “Knowest all ye of Gideria and beyond, and takest thou heed of my words, that no divide stands between Fasholam and myself!” Yea, did a number Twilistines, Social Medianites and Digital Perusites yinmu-eth at Shiwajun, but all was largely well.

 

And it came to pass shortly afterwards, that it was time for Giderian Padipalians to hold electoralis minora for Moozes, Jimothy and Boganus, who shewed himself an Expendable on the day.

 

It was said of Moozes, by the Elders of Giderian Padipalia, that he was uncouth and of inferior breeding to Jimothy. Neither man being an animal of domestication, Moozes made bold to declare that the true man of majora would be known at the end of electoralis, and that it would not be the meister who had done nothing useful with his life beyond dispensing medicaments from a corner shop in the village square.

 

And from the moment Giderian Padipalia began electoralis minora, there was not a modicum, nay an iota, nay further a speculum of gaddem chill across the length and breadth of the venue.

 

The forces of Moozes clashed with the forces of Jimothy and yea, could Moozes not part them. And Boganus arrived electoralis wearing chain mail armor for he was fearful for his life, yet his men wore none, for they were expendable – with a small E.

 

Ayedeevedov and Himaza continued their vigil for Moozes, desirous of his coronation as king at electoralis majora. Indeed, there were assured that the gods of porcelania and lavatoria, of whose gospel Moozes was an Apostle, would grant him favour.

 

And lo, was this electoralis the longest the Twilistines had seen, for even unto the 14th hour of the day was there a census of the delegates, and yea was it determined that they were 5 gross 4 score and six in number. And then did the delegates vote.

 

It came to pass that when the delegates had finished casting their votes, Boganus in his chain armor cried out to the Centurions and Sentinels at electoralis, “Defend ye this day the votes which the delegates have cast. Suffer them not to be moved, removed or altered. Preserve ye the sanctity of electoralis, as thou and this chain armour upon my chest protecteth my life.” And lo, the Centurions and Sentinels formed a ring of fire around the ballots, that no one might impugn them.

 

When the elders of Giderian Padipalia counted the votes of the delegates, a befuddling wonderment had taken place. The votes had increased in number by2 score and 17, to six gross less 1. This miracle took place before all men at electoralis minora and none could explain it. And Ayedeevedov, who until then maintaineth good cheer, imbimbed the spirit of the Tword and he began to prophesy, though it was said that this prophecy was more akin to lamentation.

 

Upon counting, the elders declared Jimothy the Meister champion of Giderian Padipalia at electoralis majora, where he would do battle with Ambsalom of Apicuria.

 

And lo, was there scornful rejoicing in the land, with joyful derision and subsidious subotomy spaken to Himaza, Ayedeevedov, and all those who had trusted in the gods of porcelania and lavatoria. Chill had long since departed…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Chronicles of Chill – Episode V: Fecum Providentia

 After the time of the unchill of the season of (Me)Linda Gate(s), a season of chill came upon the lands of Twilistia and Social Mediana. Ayedeeveedov, who was thought to be a Prophet of Googlam, did not continue in the ways of Googlam and took upon himself the garb of a scribe, and yea did he pontificate upon matters of war, of peace and of the koronation of a coming king.

And lo was there chill. But the chill was lukewarm and not chilled and unpervasive, and very soon was spat out. And yea, were there reasons for the unchilling of chill.

High Priest of Saxophonia, Fematicus, went unto and knew his wife over five seasons. And she bore five children but lo, did he drive the first two away from his household, for they were the son and daughter of Adulteram. And Adulteram was not of the house of Saxophonia.

High Priestess Melinda of Gossipotamia received a vision of the exodus of the children of Adulteram but the god of Saxophonia was at least 96 moons ahead of the gods of Gossipotamia. And Fematicus demanded of Melinda that the engravings of the sons of Saxophonia be removed from her temple; and yea, was there a very fleeting peace. In truth, there was no peace.

In those days, Jegatronix, a Gaul from the House of Necolas, was chief elector in the land. The time was nigh, upon which King Gejoshaphat and the lesser kings of Naijasteros would either depart from the thrones and be replaced by others, or return in triumph for a further quadrannum of time. And Jeganotrix had proclaimed the season of electoralis.

In the kingdom of Gideria, King Fasholam, a good and upright king was nearing the completion of his second quadrannum on the throne, and lo, was it forbidden for him to return for a third quadrannum. For only one King had tried to break the sacred law of the quadrannum, and yea did it end in opprobrium and infamy for King Shegolas of Owurutas.

From the House of PaDiPalia there emerged two sons, whose desire it was to receive the people’s anointing and be declared by Jegatronix as King in Fasholam’s stead. The first was a meister, known to men as Jimothy. The second was a courtesan of King Gejosphat, having served as sub-centurion of Gejoshaphat’s armies. His name was Moozes.

Moozes and Jimothy were known to Fahsolam, for they had set their heads against his for the crown of Gideria in previous quadrannia, and even against Shiwajun, in whose stead Fahsolam had taken the throne. And yea did Moozes contend time upon time that Shiwajun was not of the kingdom of Gideria (but of Oshunlonica), and yea did he so contend in vain.

In the house of APiCuriam, from whence Shiwajun and Fahsolam came, was there a man named Shoopor of Mumbai. He was a Pharisee, like Fasholam and also wished to be king. Ambsalom, a tax collector, also from the house of APiCuriam, was himself desirous of the throne as well. Ambsalom presented himself as a son of Eperati, in the kingdom of Gideria, but lo did his enemies divine of the scribes of Jamboree and yea was it first recorded that Ambsalom was from the kingdom of Ondonia.

But the hand of Shiwajun was upon Ambsalom and it ceased to be counted against him that he originateth from Ondonia, for it was said that Ambsalom’s mother came from the town of Eperati and that sufficeth.

And it came to pass that Moozes and Jimothy made their own desires known to the people of Gideria on the same day. Moozes spoke in the town square of Gideria, while Jimothy spake only to the Giderians of Social Mediana and the Digital Perusi, for the PaDiPalians could not have the Town Square on the same day.

And while, Moozes spakes from the Town Square, the tword of Moozes was relayed to the Twillistines by a young man named Himaza, who was Moozes’ squire. And yea, was this the tword of Moozes as it came to the tweeple.

“People of Gideria, behold, a time of greatness is upon thee! If thou crownest me king, then will I build infirmaries all over our kingdom! For 7 times out of 10 when thou fallest ill, it is mosquitosis. And yea, shall we banish it from the land!”

The people of Gideria cheered but the Twillistines and Social Medianites continued to regard Moozes and Himaza his squire in silence. Moozes continued.

“Behold, people of Gideria, if thou wouldest crown me thy king, your children would be of greater learning, with 60 billion shekels! It is a thing of great sadness that only 2 out of 100 of our places of study are comparable to the standards of Babylonia. Marvel, as I create a teacheropolis for the rabbis who instruct as well!”

And yea, was there further acclamation in Gideria but only a mild murmur in Twilistia. And yet did Moozes proceed to speak further.

“Hear me, good people of Gideria! Behold, if I were king over thee and thine households, yea would I strew the streets of Gideria and Lagoslopolis with lavatories, for 47 out of 100 of you defecate publicly.”

And lo, were the ears of the chronicler deafened, for there erupted a riotous roar and there was no longer a gaddem modicum of chill in the gaddem land!!!