The Chronicles of Chill – Episode V: Fecum Providentia

 After the time of the unchill of the season of (Me)Linda Gate(s), a season of chill came upon the lands of Twilistia and Social Mediana. Ayedeeveedov, who was thought to be a Prophet of Googlam, did not continue in the ways of Googlam and took upon himself the garb of a scribe, and yea did he pontificate upon matters of war, of peace and of the koronation of a coming king.

And lo was there chill. But the chill was lukewarm and not chilled and unpervasive, and very soon was spat out. And yea, were there reasons for the unchilling of chill.

High Priest of Saxophonia, Fematicus, went unto and knew his wife over five seasons. And she bore five children but lo, did he drive the first two away from his household, for they were the son and daughter of Adulteram. And Adulteram was not of the house of Saxophonia.

High Priestess Melinda of Gossipotamia received a vision of the exodus of the children of Adulteram but the god of Saxophonia was at least 96 moons ahead of the gods of Gossipotamia. And Fematicus demanded of Melinda that the engravings of the sons of Saxophonia be removed from her temple; and yea, was there a very fleeting peace. In truth, there was no peace.

In those days, Jegatronix, a Gaul from the House of Necolas, was chief elector in the land. The time was nigh, upon which King Gejoshaphat and the lesser kings of Naijasteros would either depart from the thrones and be replaced by others, or return in triumph for a further quadrannum of time. And Jeganotrix had proclaimed the season of electoralis.

In the kingdom of Gideria, King Fasholam, a good and upright king was nearing the completion of his second quadrannum on the throne, and lo, was it forbidden for him to return for a third quadrannum. For only one King had tried to break the sacred law of the quadrannum, and yea did it end in opprobrium and infamy for King Shegolas of Owurutas.

From the House of PaDiPalia there emerged two sons, whose desire it was to receive the people’s anointing and be declared by Jegatronix as King in Fasholam’s stead. The first was a meister, known to men as Jimothy. The second was a courtesan of King Gejosphat, having served as sub-centurion of Gejoshaphat’s armies. His name was Moozes.

Moozes and Jimothy were known to Fahsolam, for they had set their heads against his for the crown of Gideria in previous quadrannia, and even against Shiwajun, in whose stead Fahsolam had taken the throne. And yea did Moozes contend time upon time that Shiwajun was not of the kingdom of Gideria (but of Oshunlonica), and yea did he so contend in vain.

In the house of APiCuriam, from whence Shiwajun and Fahsolam came, was there a man named Shoopor of Mumbai. He was a Pharisee, like Fasholam and also wished to be king. Ambsalom, a tax collector, also from the house of APiCuriam, was himself desirous of the throne as well. Ambsalom presented himself as a son of Eperati, in the kingdom of Gideria, but lo did his enemies divine of the scribes of Jamboree and yea was it first recorded that Ambsalom was from the kingdom of Ondonia.

But the hand of Shiwajun was upon Ambsalom and it ceased to be counted against him that he originateth from Ondonia, for it was said that Ambsalom’s mother came from the town of Eperati and that sufficeth.

And it came to pass that Moozes and Jimothy made their own desires known to the people of Gideria on the same day. Moozes spoke in the town square of Gideria, while Jimothy spake only to the Giderians of Social Mediana and the Digital Perusi, for the PaDiPalians could not have the Town Square on the same day.

And while, Moozes spakes from the Town Square, the tword of Moozes was relayed to the Twillistines by a young man named Himaza, who was Moozes’ squire. And yea, was this the tword of Moozes as it came to the tweeple.

“People of Gideria, behold, a time of greatness is upon thee! If thou crownest me king, then will I build infirmaries all over our kingdom! For 7 times out of 10 when thou fallest ill, it is mosquitosis. And yea, shall we banish it from the land!”

The people of Gideria cheered but the Twillistines and Social Medianites continued to regard Moozes and Himaza his squire in silence. Moozes continued.

“Behold, people of Gideria, if thou wouldest crown me thy king, your children would be of greater learning, with 60 billion shekels! It is a thing of great sadness that only 2 out of 100 of our places of study are comparable to the standards of Babylonia. Marvel, as I create a teacheropolis for the rabbis who instruct as well!”

And yea, was there further acclamation in Gideria but only a mild murmur in Twilistia. And yet did Moozes proceed to speak further.

“Hear me, good people of Gideria! Behold, if I were king over thee and thine households, yea would I strew the streets of Gideria and Lagoslopolis with lavatories, for 47 out of 100 of you defecate publicly.”

And lo, were the ears of the chronicler deafened, for there erupted a riotous roar and there was no longer a gaddem modicum of chill in the gaddem land!!!

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6 thoughts on “The Chronicles of Chill – Episode V: Fecum Providentia

  1. Wow! this really got my chill!! i love this…it reminds me of Reddick. how about the upper region of Naijasteros? where the outlawed bokohellia gangs are unleashing terror on the people? you need to tell us the story too. our children are definitely going to read this someday

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Verily verily I say unto thee… heed thy thoughts and words that lex spake, bcos wisdom of “The Chronicles of Chill” shall set you free, ayedeeveedov #chill

    Like

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