Lovengers: The Age of Gambrach

In the beginning there was chill. And the chill was with chill. And the chill was chill. Chill was with chill in the beginning and nothing was chilled except by through the chill of chill.

And chill was lost to the people of Social Mediana and Twillistia for many moons. This was in the time of the quadrannium and a quarter of King Gejoshaphat. He was said to be good-hearted king but too much given to simpleness. Such was the simpleness, it was said, that he was robbed of all his clues. And he was said not to have been a great king, because of this theft and deprivement of clues.

King Gejoshaphat contended against Gambrach of Gunn in Electoralis Federalis and was defeated. Such was the defeat of Gejoshaphat however, that he surrendered just before the battle ended. Wherefore it was said of him far and wide, and beyond the 37 kingdoms that he had set a worthy precedent. Wherefore, with Osinoshin as his Hand, Gambrach ascended to the throne of the 37 kingdoms.

And there was chill. The chill that passeth all understanding; the chill of chills which was chilled by chill. And yea, did it last…all of ten days. And lo, this decadintum of chill came to be know as the decadintum of the lovengers.

The lovengers were the lovers of Gambrach. Lo, was nothing said, unsaid, de-said or not said by Gambrach which did not find the love of the lovengers. As Gambrach standeth, said they of him, “Oh, he is by far the greatest King at standing ever!”. As Gambrach smileth even did they say, “Oh, such a royal smile Twillistia has never seen!!” And yea, even whenst the King shitteth, did the lovengers inhale and exclaim, “Behold the fragrantest shit which thou ever smellest! Truly, we are now possessed of King! Rejoice for the reign of Gejoshaphat is past!” And lo, did it continue in the decadintum, ad nauseam.

Now, a week after Gambrach ascended the throne, the time came for the senatus to select its Warden. In that day, rose a man of ambivalent origin, Abushola, a former King of Kwarapotamia, and he set his heart upon the Wardenship of the senatus.

This displeased Shiwajun, Head Prefect of the house of Apicuria, himself also a former King, in Gidipolis. Shiwajun favoured Lar-Wan of Yobia. And when Gambrach was prevailed upon to anoint either Abushola or Lar-Wan, yea did he unlook; and lo, did the lovengers proclaim it the greatest, most unlookingest unlooking that there ever was.

And lo, did the Elders of Apicuria attempt to bring only one contender and didst request a conclave. The conclave of Apicuria was a procedure unknown to the laws of the senatus but the senatii in support of Shiwajun and Lar-Wan cast their votes. And whenst the white smoke from the chapel cleared, Lar-Wan was named candidatum consentium.

Yea, didst Abushola kanyeshruggeth the conclave and advanced to the senatus. And on the morning the senatii were to chose their warden, lo, were the senatii of Shiwajun and Lar-wan nowhere to be found. Their disappearance, a great mystery, some said was because Gambrach summoned them for reasons unknown (which the lovengers surely must have proclaimed the best summonses in all the quadrannia of the kings), others that their sundials had been mysteriously set 2 hours backwards.

“All hail Abushola, Warden of the senatus, defender of the legislatum, proclaimer of the lex!” the voices cried out, as Abushola swore the sacred oath of his office.

Far away from the scene, a valet delivered the news to Shiwajun. Expecting Shiwajun to break forth into rage, the valet was taken aback.

“Thou vexeth not, my Lord”, he said, “art thou not filled with anger?”

Shiwajun smiled, responding calmly, “Wahala Morghulis.”

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4 thoughts on “Lovengers: The Age of Gambrach

  1. Pingback: Links I Love: Volume 4 | Out Of My Head

  2. Pingback: The Age of Gambrach: Wahala Morghulis | TexTheLaw

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