Chronicles of Chill: The Voice – Season Two

The clouds of unchill continued to swirl over the Kingdom and behold a heavy thunderstorm of unchill rained down on the house of Dinobetes Mellitus.

Dinobetes had loved Abushola, the warden of senatii but hated the king of his own lesser kingdom, Kogitamia.

King Yaya Bellows of Kogitamia despised not being the beloved of Dinobetes. Yea, he saw Dinobetes grab Abushola and throw him in the air as he had thrown others before and hated that he the king had not been so royally manhandled.

And so he proclaimed, “Wahala Morghulis shall not end, for I shall unleash it on House Mellitus and have the people expel Dinobetes from senatii.”

Lo, did the men of Bellows traverse the kingdom collecting the signatures of the enfranchised. For it was the law of the land that if half their number petitioned the Commisar of Electoralis and affirmed their loss of faith in a member of the senatii at a referendum, the member would #Sexit.

“Maigheeeurd!” exclaimed Dino, as the petition of his constituents reached the Commisar. “What wouldst become of me if I sexit senatii? I must find a Pharisee versed in the law to save me.”

Yea, did he instruct Michaelangelo, a mighty man of the silk to counter-petition the courts on account of the men of Bellows breaking into tombs, placing quills in the decomposed hands of the dead and scrawling signatures on the petition. Necrocalligraphy at its peak.

And lo, it had been a season of fasting and prayer in the land. For 30 days, the people of the Great Prophet had fasted and as the 30 days ended it was time to break the fast with feasting and merriment.

It was the custom in the Kingdom for the King to declare the feast commenced and the people wondered if it would be the Pretend King that would speak to them.

But nay, Gar Bar, co-head scribe to Gambrach with FemCallamitus, announced that he was bringing an audial word from Gambrach.

And yea, the Lovengers were delirious.

And behold, the people gathered with their mats and popcorn all over the Kingdom to hear the voice of their long lost King.

Lo, was it like the time of Mah Roo, when he convalesced in Sah Oud and also sent an audial word unto the people, as Shegolas asked him, “Mah Roo, doth thou yet live & breathe?”

At last the hour of delivery came but yea, half of the people comprehended it not, as Gambrach spoke in the native tongue of the Fullanisters. It was a puzzlement. It was a formentor of unchill.

“Behold, the voice of thy King!” said Gar Bar.

But the people remembered the word of the singing prophets, Magic Système, which said “premier gâou n’est pas gâou…” and the words of former King of Trumpetistan, Giorgios Bushellopoulos, “…fool me twice, can’t get fooled again.” And they cried, “Noooo!!!!”

“Gambrach speaketh not with the rapidity of the audial. This audial was not punctuated with the kingly pauses and “uhhhh” of which our King speaketh. Furthermore, how be it that his first word to the kingdom in two score days and ten, wert not in Inglesius, which the whole kingdom comprehendeth? We shall not be deceived!”

And there was not a gaddem speculum of chill in the entire kingdom.

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