Chronicles of Chill: The Bootyliciousness of Daisy-Annie

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Brethren, there continued to be unchill in the land. And across the Kingdoms, the people dared the gods, unmindful of the plagues of Gitis and flood with which they had struck the kingdoms of Gideria and Zamfarawayland for excessive illicit coitus. Yea, did they continue in their unbridled debauchery, breaking fornicatomatic records, pushing the needle of the fornicatometer to levels unseen since records began. And yea, did the gods unleash even an even greater deluge of floods upon the kingdoms. Behold, these floods were more dire than many had seen, submerging chariots. And the gods of subterranea were also vexed and regurgitated all the filth they had hidden and wawu, it was a fecund mess in the streets.

And the people cried, “Where is our King, that he might make intercessions and supplication unto the gods on our behalf? Oh, what a most useless and ineffectual king is Gambrach the Vanished!”

Their cries went unto Bedrock, into the chambers of the scribe FemCallamitus, who had been silent for many moons (having no gaddem king to or royal activities to record in the scrolls) and was green with envy at the acclaim that Dr Who, who was not even a courtesan, had received with his song in the Book of Face. Yea, had Dr Who received a commendation from Lady Yeeshah, as she joined her alto to Dr Who’s soprano.

“I have been silent for too gaddem long,” thought FemCallamitus to himself. “I am one of the top scribes of Gambrach my Lord and tis I who should write his canticles. When my King unvanishes, my song shalt be number one on the Gambrachian Griotic Charts. Yea, shall it be platinum.” And then he wrote, like a Kenneth Rojas.

Everyone considers him the worst King of the kingdom

He never stood a single time to prove the kingdom wrong

His Momma named him Gambrach but folks just called him Vanished

Something inside tells me, they’re reading Gambrach wrong

He’s weak like once King David was and spat on by Shimei

Shimei looked at David and concluded that he was dead

But like the sword of Abishai was given word by Sully

When my Gambrach cometh back, he’s going to chop your head. 

Gambrach my King, you remain the only one to save us all from trouble in the land; And even though you’re weak please don’t turn the other cheek, Oh Gambrach you are old but understand, you’ve gotta chop off heads when you’re a man.

And the people heard the song of FemCallamitus and laughed hard at his nincompoopery. Poopy Poopery.

And yea, in the midst of their mirth, news came to the people from Trumpstantinople of the booty of Daisy-Annie. You see, before Daisy-Annie became Gejoshaphat’s councillor for petrolatum, her booty was of a modest size. She had worked for Mollusca and her booty was nicely and judiciously oiled at the time. Lo, everything was nice and squeezy clean.

Alas, she met two men, whose actions contaminated the booty of Daisy-Annie. Their names were Luko Skywalker and Ko-Ray the Jedi. They promised Daisy-Annie a bigger and shinier booty if she used her powers as councillor to ensure they got the largest petrolatum harvesting fields of the kingdom’s petrolatum for their ventures.

Behold, she acquiesced to their request and maigheeeurd, did they inflate her booty. Not only did they fill her chest, they ensured she had the finest of castles and palaces.

However, the men were wreckless and spent like sailors. Alarmed, Daisy-Annie said to Luko Skywalker, “Spend not with such unchill. Why buyest thou a ship when thou canst hire it for only a short while?”

But Ko-Ray used his Jedi mind tricks on her. And she ceased in her admonitions. And yea, was her booty fattened even more such that her bootyliciousness breached the legal limit in Trumpstantinople.

“How much is this booty?” the people asked with great concern.

“It is a great and tremendous number.” said the Trumpetistani constables.

“How great and tremendous?” they pressed, “for we are wary of fake news from way down yonder.”

“Be assured the news is genuine and non-spicered. And ensure that ye are seated to hear the number, for it is several hundred millions of Trumpetistani shekels.”

“SEVERAL HUNDRED MILLION WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?”

The apostles heard of it. And there was not a gaddem speculum of chill in the entire kingdom!

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