The Chronicles of Chill: The Bobbiesian Epiphany

Thus did Electoralis minora take place in the Kingdom of Nambria. And yea, did Working Willie Wonka not only shew that he worketh, he was also a winner. He was thereafter known as Wonderful Winningly Working Willie Wonka. His opponents, Wonye West, Doka Cola and Bazil Oka, were all very magnanimous in their concession to Working Willie, for they had no choice. Behold, it was a sliding of lands victory, as House Apganistani reigned supreme in Nambria. And yea, did the people of Imolek look ruefully towards their neighbours in Nambria, for while they had only the erections of Roe Chazz to boast off, the Nambrarians had a Working Willie!

Lo, it was in that day, in the southern Freekah’n kingdom of Bobbiesia, that the long, long, long, long reign of old, old, old, old King Moo Garbage came to an end. In the early days of Bobbiesia, it was a supple and succulent land, flowing with milk bursting forth from the fertile areolae of the soil. This was at the time Moo Garbage led the revolution against the occupying Jandinian forces and prevailed, leading the people to crown him King.

But King Moo Garbage tasted and saw how sweet it was to drink from the goblet of the royal palaces. Like other Freekah’n kings, his hunger and thirst for power led him to ignore law of the quadrannium and remain in power at his leisure. But age catcheth up with tyrant and benevolent alike and King Moo Garbage suddenly saw that he was now four score and a baker’s dozen in age.

And King Moo Garbage purposed in his heart to give the keys of the kingdom to his wife, whose name was Ellie Gance, as an act of dynastic consummation of their love. “Ellie, my love, tis only thou I desire to leave the Kingdom. You will be Empress of Bobbesia and thy grace will be full.”

Yea, did Moo Garbage dismiss his hand, Ser MijinKagawa, who promptly fled the Kingdom and went into exile. But the Men of the Bobbiesian Gestappo and Armies were sorely displeased, for MijinKagawa was their guy. And lo, they rose like a swarm onto the streets of Bobbiesia, gently squeezing the people off the streets and the boldness out of Moo Garbage. “Ye must set forth at dawn!” they told the King.

“Are ye come to me in mutinous spirits?” asked King Garbage.

“Nay, oh King Moo. This is not a mutiny.”

“Then I command ye to return to thy quarters,” replied the King.

“Hahahahahahahaha! Thy humour has not gone the way of thy senses,” the army replied. “Seeest thou not, oh King, our great and shiny weapons pointed at thee?”

“Then, tis a mutiny. Ye are mutineers!” declared the King.

“Dwell not on the semantics of the occasion, Moo Garbage. Focus thou only on its conclusion – ye shall rule us no more.”

“Ye forget that I once came in like a wrecking ball,” said the King.

“Well, ye shall wreck us no more!”

And thus it was the reign of King Moo Garbage came to an end, and the streets of the Bobbiesian capital, Her Wire-ay, were filled with jubilation. MijinKagawa was declared King in Moo Garbage’s stead, and his very first words were, “Not believe own eye of MijinKagawa. King, biyotches!!!”

Meanwhile, in the Kingdom of Gambrach, the kingdom of the chronicles, electoralis federalis was again at hand. One by one, the lords of House Apicuria declared a very much alloyed support for Gambrach’s contest for a second quadrannium. At the head of these declarations was Shiwajun, who was heard to say that Gambrach ought not assume that he would automatically be the choice of the Apicurians for electoralis. “Ye all know King Gambrach. He is a good and kind and benevolent King. He surely would never impose himself on us Apicurians, would he?”

Lo, news then came to the Twilistines, that Atikarias had deserted House Apicuriam and returned to House Padipalia, in the biggest open secret since the invention of the oxymoron. It shook him not that even after shredding the Pentiumz parchment, the kingdom’s sherriffs had revoked the papiers durosibi of some of the foreign workmen at Pentiumz, forcing them to return to their homes. Atikarias was going to seek to contend at Electoralis for House Padipalia, for the nine hundredth and sixty-seventh time. For yea it was said, that nine hundred and sixty eight is a charm.

And behold, there was a rustling of unchill, for many in Twilistia and Social Mediana were not soft of heart towards Atikarias.

Yea, did further news come to the people, from senatii, that the Everly Failing at Convictions Commission , in celebration of the feast of the Virgin Birth, had taken amongst themselves the two hundred buildings they confiscated from Oje Marina on behalf of the Kingdom. Lo, they denied it.

And yea, did the rustle of unchill become a rumbling of unchill because, gaddem! Two hundred???

Lo, the final straw was the denial of Bar Kar, Gambrach’s head Lawman (the N is silent), that he wrote the parchment ushering Oje Marina back into the King’s service. This followed his prior admission that he had voyaged to visit Oje Marina in exile in Doo Bahee. “Which is worse to admit, dude?” the people asked him. “Thou already admitest breaking bad with Oje Marina – what then is a mere parchment?”

And there was no gaddem chill in the kingdom but Gambrach was unaware of anything.

Yea, then came news from the oceans that 2 dozen maidens had perished, fleeing from the kingdom. Behold was there no word from Bedrock for 3 days and 4 nights. For Gambrach was oblivious to all. And the Twilistines asked Lady Bee Ree, Gambrach’s scribe for matters of those who had seen the light and fled the kingdom, “Oh, Bee Ree and ye scribes and councillors of Gambrach, see ye not how thy damsels perish?” Wherefore Bee Ree asked of them, “Huh?”

Yea, was she roasted in the ensuing unchill.

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