The Chronicles of Chill: Abusholan Victory & End of Wahala Morghulis

Justice

Lo brethren, a black spot of Wahala Morghulis had been delivered to Abushola and yea was a voice raised against him in Conductivitis and behold the Warden of senatii was charged with crimes of declarations in anticipation of milk and honey.

Yea, did the travails of Abushola linger and behold he tried his utmost to have the charges quashed. Daily he appealed the continuation of proceedings, alleging “whenst Shiwajun came before thee, didst thou not grant him the benefit of explicatio nigbatimensis? Why wouldest thou not extend me the same courtesy? Am I not also of ruling stock?”

Wherefore Shiwajun cackled and the furnace of the Wahala Morghulis was stoked.

And again, Abushola would petition all the courts in the land, repeatedly beseeching the magistrates for a way out of the Wahala. And again, they would send him back to Conductivitis. “Thou shalt answer for thine anticipation of milk and honey.” And Abushola did not relent. Yea was he relentless in seeking to avert justice, for nearly 24 moons.

Finally the day of judgement was at hand. The quills of the Kalahari Newsbearers told of clandestine meetings and facilitations between the men of Abushola and the heads of Conductivitis. Behold, Abushola was pronounced relieved of his duty to defend himself, as the prosecutors, ably supported with testimony from the Everly Failing at Convictions Commission, were held not to have established a gaddem thing.

Behold, there was no chill in the land, as across the land, the death knell was sounded again for the battle of Gambrach against graft. But the heart of Dinobetes Mellitus was full and joyous, for he was a great stan for Abushola. And yea, did he pick Abushola up and throw him into the air – for it was said that he was well-practiced in human projectility.

And Abushola’s head squire, Banksamakemdance came into the streets with news of the attempted perversion by Worh Ray of the Kalahari Newsbearers. Yea, did he allege that Worh Ray had sent emissaries to demand one million trumpetistani shekels to recolour the news they bore of Abushola.

“And how didst thou respond?” the people asked Banksamekemdance.

“I kicked his emissary into the well, screaming, ‘Thisch! Isch! Twillistia!!!’”

Behold, all the Twillistians and Social Medianites shouted in acclaim of Banksamakemdance, “Awhoo! Awhoo!! Awhoo!!!”

It was in this time, or thereabouts, that Gar Bar, scribe of Gambrach, long since in a purdah of silence, emerged to declare a message from the King. Or from the office of the King. Or from the bed of the King clothed in his brown robes of convalescence and his white cap of mystical holiness in Jandinia. Or from somewhere purporting to be associated with the King. For the people had not heard directly from the King in over 6 moons.

“Behold the proclamation of King Gambrach, most divine majesty, conqueror of all afflictions including the Many Years disease, that the unsigned coinage of the Kingdom is most unbeneficial to the affairs of the Kingdom. Yea is the Kingdom halfway through its pecuniary year and behold have we been side-tracked in our most holy crusade against unclean graft. And now, the King giveth his permission to Osinoshin, who remains only the Pretend King, to endorse the coinage.”

Then, Pretend King Osinoshin signed the coinage of the kingdom. And it was a great day of pomp and ceremony. And the golden quill of coinage signing of Bedrock was retrieved from its holy ensconcement.  And the naysayers proclaimed, “Aha! All ye who seek Gambrach on the pretext that the Pretend King doth not pretend sufficiently. Behold his glorious signage of the coinage. Leave ye our Gambrach to convalesce in peace!”

But the people asked again, “Where is King Gambrach?”

And a famous man known as Thankful Peacock of Charr Knells also asked the question of Lar Yi. “O, Lar Yi, Councillor for the Propaganda, where stayeth our king?”

“His wife returneth anon from Jandinia, and she proclaimeth him in good recovery. And verily I say unto ye that I believe her.”

Thankful Peacock pressed further. “But doth thou know his condition? Is it the Many Years Affliction? The people deserve to know!”

“I know now except what his wife sayeth. And also that Osinoshin maketh contact with him daily.”

“Oh wow. Daily?”

“Yes! The Pretend King and the Vanished King converse daily!”

“Oh, tremendous. If the Vanished speaketh to the Pretence, perhaps he might yet speak to his people.”

“Let us watch and pray.”

And yea, as they watched, news came from the mini-olympiad in Oz-Low, not very far off from Jandinia, that a lady athlete from the Kingdom was contesting in the Jumpathon. Behold, she was a big blessing unto the Kingdom for many years and her name was Kah Ray. And Kah Ray ran for the jumpathon with tremendous speed, some say propelled by a special breath from Gambrach in nearby Jandinia. And yea, Gambrach breathed too hard, for the breath propelled her forward, but not the wig with which she covered her head. Gheeeurd, did the wig fall backwards as she landed. And man, there was no gaddem chill across the many kingdoms of the world.

 

The Chronicles of Chill: The Frabanian Sabbath of the Ipobusites

Sabbath 2

There continued to be a mild discontentment in the land as the people heard not from their king. During his previous visits to the Janidinian meisters, there would be a flurry of visits from his courtiers and councillors, Shiwajun and Yeesha, and so on, all of whom would return with images of King Gambrach in his armor of Jandinia – his brown robe of convalescence and white cap of mystical holiness.

Yea, the Lovenger Scribes were silent. FemCallamitus had already written many Magnificats and Gar Bar had retreated into Pur Dah. Lay Si asked the sons of men who the Haramites would have stood for in electoralis, to the consternation of the people, but there was word from Lar Yi.

“The King remaineth in full control of the Kingdom. He speaketh to his council daily, even unto me. We come to the garden while the dew is still on the roses and voice we hear falling on our ear our lovely king disposes – and he walks with us and he talks with us and he tells us we are his own” he said.

“Then why speaketh he not with us?” the people asked Lar Yi.

“Well, maybe ye are not his own.” replied Lar Yi, full of sycophantic fervour.

And in that day came a man named Car Knoo. Car Knoo had returned from exile in Jandinia to raise a new tribe called the Ipobusites. And yea, was he a prophet, priest and leader unto his followers. Behold, he called for the land in the East of the South to be removed from the Kingdom, as it was sought to be in the day of Joo Kwoo.

For this, the Deliverance Squad Squadron delivered him into the dark dungeons of Kee Ree for 12 months, with only a semblance of a trial. Thrice did the magistrate order that he be released on bail and thrice did all the forces of the kingdom unlook. And yea, finally, in the vanishment of Gambrach from the kingdom, Car Knoo was released. And the Ipobusites rejoiced at the release of their prophet and high priest.

The other inhabitants of the kingdoms in the East of the South looked on in amazement at the growing tribe of the Ipobusites. Behold, the Ipobusinian priest called for all in the lands to observe a Frabanian Sabbath and not put hand to the plough, or seed in the soil, or seed in the hoo-ha. Yea, did all comply, Ipobusite and non-Ipobusite alike.

This thoroughly vexed the young Rewan men in the North, for Gambrach, their own High Priest and Saviour King was gone and it looked as if the kingdom would fall into the hands of Oshinoshin. And so they declared persona non grata all personas born in the East of the South of the Kingdom. It bore an uncanny resemblance to the season of Joo Kwoo and the Great Frabanian War.

And there was no gaddem chill in the land.

Lo, the people cried against the Rewanian Proclamation. “Oh, if only King Gambrach were here to unleash the dog and the baboon on these Rewanian Youths! Where is our King?”

And as sure as the sun riseth, the Lovengers lined up to defend the throne. “Why cry ye for Gambrach, when he handeth over the kingdom to Pretend-King Osinoshin?”

“But Osinoshin pretendeth too much and taketh the pretence too seriously. He pretendeth so much that he signeth not the coinage nor sweareth in the emissaries to foreign lands, nor the new councillors. Yea, tis as if this is an episode of whose line is it anyway? Is Gambrach still in Jandinia?”

Behold, at that very moment in Jandinia, Mei-Mei, the Queen’s first minister, leader of the Conservatories, full of the spirit of hubris, declared electoralis upon the kingdom. So sure was she of victory, that she freely mocked Kor Bin, leader of the Laboratti. And yea, was there a gaddem ripple throughout the cosmos, as Kor Bin and the Laboratti made gains and reduced Mei-Mei’s seats of strength and stability.

And the Lovengers of the Gambrachian provinces lamented with the Conservatories, saying, “if only Gambrach had appeared to Mei-Mei in his brown robe of convalescence and white cap of mystical holiness, yea would he have bestowed upon her his Katsinian and Kanonic voter magic to ensure her victory”. Alas, he was nowhere to be seen. And the people cried out yet again, “Where is our King? Is he even in Jandinia?”

And the Prophet Car Knoo spoke to the people saying, “it mattereth not whether thy king liveth in Jandinia or here or not. For my kingdom is at hand. And it shall be a great and awesome kingdom, never before seen. It shall bring a sabbath of awesomeness unto the land. Tremendous, like the Trumpet. Frabania lives – in Joo Kwoo, in me and in you! Behold, I have said it.”

And by gheeuurd, there was no chill in the Kingdom.

The Chronicles of Chill: Seasons of Empowerment

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A cloud gathered over the land as Gambrach departed from the Kingdom and lo, it was a cloud of whisperings. There were whisperings of a conditional abdication and severe resistance thereto from the high chiefs in the North. There where whisperings of a mutiny from the garrison. So loud where the rumours of the mutiny that the Lord General Rah Tye of the Dubailese Skyscraper Battalion had to stage a ceremony of fealty to the throne of Gambrach.

“We declare this day that our swords are for the Throne!”

“Uhm…those were the whisperings of which we were fearful” the people responded. “Ah, I see what you mean”, said the General. “What we mean is that we stand behind the Throne, ready at a word to strike!”

“Dude! Thou doth not make it better, bruh” the people replied again.

“Oh, come on! All right, no more euphemisms! We pledge allegiance to the Throne and shall leave matters of statehood to the Kings and counsellors in the land. Happy, now?”

Yea, did the people heave a sigh of relief. But it was only momentary, for the emissary of the Queen of Jandinia came to the people with a message.

“Behold! I come from Jandinia with a message for thee!” the emissary proclaimed.

“You bring news from our King?” the people asked him.

“No, I bring word from her majesty the Queen.”

“Oh, thou bringest a message from Lady Yeeshah?”

“No, my Queen. The Queen of Jandinia. The word from her throne is…”

“…but who you epp?” the people interrupted. “We want to hear from King Gambrach.” But eventually they let him speak, and he also had a warning for the garrison lest they mutiny.

Even Shiwajun spoke against these whisperings. “Behold, and I kid thee not. It shall be a heck of a Wahala Morghulis upon any mutineers. They may have all the swords and horses and arrows and shields and spears, and we may have nought but the hearts in our chests, yet shall our chests outnumber their swords and yea shall a holy Wahala Morghulis be unleashed on any soldier that seekest unfortunatecy.”

And the people were like, “Waaaaawu! Whose chests wouldst thou defend the kingdom with? Thine, surely?” And the thoughts of their chests being pierced with the armoury of mutiny filled them with sadness. Behold, news of their sadness came to the lesser kings. And they purposed in their hearts to do something to lift the sadness.

And yea, it was King Autumn of the kingdom of Ben Way who first came to the rescue of his people. My people need power, he thought. Power to be better. Power to do better. Power to resist the incursions of the land-grabbing herdists. Iskaba! Ben Way will be a flower to shower the people with an hour of empower! No longer shall they cower. Yea, they shall be like Jack Bauer in this hour that I empower. Iskelebete! I say they shall tower and their mood shall no longer be sour! Iskoloboto!!!

And in a frenetic fulmination of phantasmagoric and philanthropic forthcomingness, King Autumn ordered that each young man in the kingdom be given a wheelbarrow to ferry people around, as alternatives to the hackney chariots. For, he reasoned, if they ferry their fellow citizens about long enough, they shall grow in my biceptual  and triceptual stature. And yea, will they be empowered. Behold, I have fulfilled the prophecy of the great prophet, Dijanimus Khalidius – “major key”.

It was a farce. But the Lovengers, starved of anything Gambrachian to love, quickly bequeathed their blessings on Autumn. “Behold a great empowerment!” they declared. “Tis the greatest empowerment we have seen in a long gaddem time. When Gambrach returneth, ye shall see even more powerful empowerment, swearraghad!”

And behold, the people remembered Gambrach again. For lo, there was no news of him. Rather, there was more news from the high chiefs in the North. “Let it be known throughout the land that Gambrach will, shall, must compulsorily and irreversibly serve for two quadrannia on the throne. For it is written, ‘What do ye imagine against the King? He will make an utter end: affliction shall not rise up the second time.'”

“Yes!” said FemCallamitus. “I know not why the enemies of the Kingdom rage. Why do they seek the end of Gambrach’s reign? Have they ever seen a reign so beautiful and sweet? I don’t know much but I know I love him and that may be all I need to know. The King liveth. Even though he speaketh not to his people, nor attendeth to the affairs of the kingdom and spake not even unto me for several moons until the Day of Kingsleycost, yea, I know he liveth. How? Because it is truly amazing how he knocks me off my feet, every time he comes around me I get weak, no King has ever made me feel this way. Selah.”

“And let it be known” the high chiefs in the north continued, “that we are prepared for schism to rent the kingdom asunder should no heed be paid to our word. For reals, yo!”

And the clouds over the land continue to grow in size and darkness, and yea was there a rumbling in the firmaments above and a striking of lightning (for thunder striketh not, regardless of the opinions of the bumbum bard, Tee Maya). And behold, the cloud unleashed all the gaddem unchill inside it, as news reached the Twilistines that Shiwajun and Moozes, who had contested sorely against him, were reconciled. Worse, was news that Moozes was about to leave the house of Padipalia and join Shiwajun in Apicuria. The news was unleashed like a Gambrachian banter and there was no gaddem chill in all the land!

 

The Chronicles of Chill: Inner Bah Yor & the Handling Hand of the King

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In the second year of the first quadranium of King Gambrach, there was unrest in the land for the King had not been seen at successive meetings of his council. The people clamoured to behold their king and hear his soothing voice as he spoke to them yet again about his holy quest to rid the land of evil.

Unbeknownst to them, the King had embarked upon a very awesomely secret and mysterious mission, one whose secrecy was only exceeded in awesomeness by its mystery, and only a select few of his council knew whither he went. Lo, the mission was not even revealed to the chronicler and far be it from the Chronicler to accuse the revealing spirit of the Tword of unknowing.

“Where art thou, O Gambrach”, the people cried. “Speak to us, for the camp of your enemies whispereth that thou art ill.”

“Ye fear too much” said Lar Yi, the King’s councillor for propaganda. “For though the king be a septuagenarian, behold he is the septiest septuagenarian that ever was. Fear not, for he only worketh from home.”

And the people were confused. For Bedrock was the King’s home and the place from where he had always worked.

“Hath he moved to a different castle or palace?” the people asked. “Hath he another official residence? Thy explanation maketh no sense to us. Give us our king!”

Lar Yi cast an anxious glance at FemCallamitus. FemCallamitus looked nervously over his shoulder to see if Gar Bar was in their midst and knew what to say. But Gar Bar was nowhere to be found. It seemeth that he had accompanied the King on the mission most mysterious and secret.

“Look”, began FemCallamitus, “the King only followeth the orders of the meisters and yea, is he chillaxing, that his spirit and body may be renewed unto thy service.”

“But thou informest us previously that his fitness was fiddlistic. Didst thou declare unto us a falsehood?”

“No, twas true!” Lar Yi had come to FemCallamitus’s rescue. “The King taketh things easy, that he might convalesce.”

And the people looked at each other in befuddlement. “Thou confusest us big time, dude.” they said to Lar Yi. “Doth he work from his chambers or another palace or doth he convalesce?”

“Oh, look at that purple moonlight” exclaimed Lar Yi suddenly, pointing to the sky. And the people followed his gaze to see the purple moon. But behold, the moon was white and when they turned back to ask what he meant, both Lar Yi and FemCallamitus were gone. Twas a gbelonic-gbebonic scam.

Whilst the people stood perplexed in their confusion, the scribes of the Parafin lamps came into their midst with scrolls for all to read. When the seals on the scrolls were broken, they were seen to be the chronicles of electoralis federalis through which Gambrach ascendeth to the throne after the quadranium of Gejoshaphat. And the people turned to the Chronicler and asked, “are these thy chronicles?” But lo, they were the chronicles of Gun Yi, who had served the late King Yaraz as Head Scribe.

And Gejoshaphath emerged from the shadows to denounce all that was chronicled of him and his beloved PeiPei in the scroll of Gun Yi. And yea, was there unchill as sleeping memories of electoralis were revived in all their bitter glory. But the King still spake not to the people.

Finally, on the day of Templing, King Gambrach returned from his secret mission and walked into the temple. Behold, the Lovengers were thrown into a revelling of ecstasy proclaiming, “Behold the king! See how he walketh briskly!” And so, was that day proclaimed the Day of Bobriskly.

And yet the King spake not to the people, muttering only the words “Inner Bah Yor”. “Hearest thou, thy king? He speaketh! Oh, he speaketh!” cried the Lovengers.

“What is ‘Inner Bah Yor’?” the people asked. “Is it a mystery of esoteric profundity? And by the way, where is the Moborius, favoured engraver and painter of the King? Twould have been great for him to record this moment for posterity!” But no one knew what Gambrach meant by inner Bay Yor, and no one knew the whereabouts of Moborius, though twas said that he was seen in faraway land, partaking in the new equestrian combat sport of freelancing, not to be mistaken with what the knights of the realm did.

And then word came to the people from senatii that a royal scroll had been delivered to Abushola and Gah-Ra, warden and prefect. “Tis a letter from the King”, Abushola declared. “I shall read it. It says, ‘Shooperoo and Warridoo, how’s it hanging, hombres? Just a line to bring to your attention that the Jandinian meisters have summoned me again and lo, I must depart. I know not the hour or day of my return, so do not ask me.  I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again. Dooo doo dooo dooo dooo…when I see thee again. In the meantime, Osinoshin, my loyal Hand, whom thou knowest, shall handle the kingdom until I return. I know that ye wouldest find this pun funny, so ha ha ha. Peace out.”

Yea, did the breeze of unchill begin to percolate in the land. For it echoed the days of Yaraz and his journeys to the meisters in Sah Oud.

Then one of the senateens asked Abushola, “Oh Warden of the senatii and most excellent reader of the royal scroll! Pray, did the King say Oshinoshin would be Pretend King again or just a handler? If he saith only that the Hand would handle, not that he wouldst be Pretend King, we have a crisis most severe.”

Crisis, crisis, crisis!!! The cry went out of their chamber. And the unchill began to swirl. And yea, it took all the deftness that Abushola could muster to quell it. “The law of the land is clear! For as long as the king liveth yet visiteth the meisters, his Hand is Pretend King!”

“But his scroll…”

“Ignore the scroll, punks!”

And there was an easy unchill. Until news reached the people of yet another feast of savoury celebritine, as the daughter of Ban Gi Dah was wed to her betrothed. Yea, did all the private flying chariots in the land assemble at the castle of Ban Gi Dah. And lo, seated and feasting as brothers were Shiwajun, Gejoshaphat, Abushola, Shegolas and Ban Gi Dah – kings and lords for whom the Twilistines and Social Medianites and Digital Perusites had warred against themselves in electoralis. Smiling one to another at the same gaddem table!

The realisation hit the people that Apicuria and Padipalia were mere constructs in the mind of the hoi polloi. The hoi aristoi were one. And there was no gaddem chill in the entire kingdom!

The Chronicles of Chill: Missingstopheles & The Lost Scrolls of the Kingdom

 

Lost Scrolls

From the days of Ser Lee Sou, the warden of the junior senateens, the Scrolls of the Kingdom suffereth violence and the Lords of the Realm yinmued it by force. Selah.

– Chronicles of Chill, Chapter 41, verse 9.

Verily, I say unto thee brethren, that the demon Missingstopheles (of which ye have heard in a previous chapter), the mischievous sprite of peculiar vanishments, was particularly fond of the Lords of the Realm. Ser Lee Sou was a young man, full of grace and fair of face but his wardenship was short-lived because Missingstopheles had vanished all record of Ser Lee Sou’s attendance at the Citadel of Roan Toe and his Scroll Bacalauratum was never to be seen again..

Yea, while the demon was at the Citadel of Roan Toe, it also beheld the Scroll Bacalauratum of Shiwajun and for a while, it toyed with its existence. First it was there and then it was not, and there was no gaddem chill until it sort of came back. For who dare question the scroll of Shiwajun?

Behold, Missingstopheles, full of testicular fortitude, descended on the scroll of Gambrach vanishing all his scrolls, even the scroll de minimis, causing much embarrassed explanation by the King. For he was a senior man of Gunn and had once been king, so how dare anyone suggest the scroll was not there? But it was Missingstopheles, you see. He made sure the scrolls were missing.

The tsunami of the missingness of scrolls swept even into the house of Gejoshaphat, vanishing the magnum opus written in pursuance of his Scroll de Doctora. Behold, the haters searched high and low for the magnum opus but Missingstopheles had vanished it too. Or it had been kept in the kingdom’s archives as a testament to the cerebro-cranial power of King Gejoshaphat. But that which the people believeth is the former. Selah.

Lo, Missingstopheles wreaked reputational havoc wherever he went. Lo, he even vanished the replica of King Snoop Neffy Neff of Deltonia, before he was carried away to Jandinia in captivity. Yea, he had even vanished Wen Rem, the twin brother of Wen Rems, who was also briefly Warden of the Senate before Chewba-Ka. But, aswerraghad, the demon neverhessperredit when he dared to vanish the scrolls of Dinobetes Melitus.

Dinobetes was a man of extreme learning, with 8 scrolls from reputed citadels, some from beyond the shores of the kingdom. His learning was so profound, that when, filled with rage, he threatened to go into Mimi the wife of Shiwajun and imbue her with offspring, all who heard him misunderstood him – for she arriveth menopause by that time.

And so it was that Missingtopheles went after the 3 most prized scrolls of Dinobetes, from the citadels at Ravadium, Jandinia and Zah-Reeyah. And yea, after the scrolls were vanished, he that vanished them blew news of their state of non-existence to the Journos of the Kalahari. The Kalahari Journos went to town proclaiming, “Dinobetes lyeth about his scrolls!”

Behold, at first, Dinobetes sought to laugh it off, for he was a deep and profound man, not given to frivolities, but the Kalaharins resurrected the Dead Red Pen of Ayedeeveedov and began to make markings, and draw signs and cause wonder. Yea, did the senateens summon the Master of the Rolls at the citadel of Zah-Reeyah to make known if it was truth or alternative truth that Dinobetes was enscrolled.

“Answer us this, Master of the Rolls, dost thou have Dinobetes of House Melitus in thy roll of the esncrolled?”

“Verily, I say unto thee” said the Master, “indeed we do, though he changeth his name. For then he was dubbed by the much uncooler appellation, Knee-Ell. Behold, his transswagerration into Dinobetes!”

“That settleth the matter!” said the satisfied senateens.

“Nay!” cried the the Kalahari Journos. “Behold our red circles and lines made by the lost Dead Red Pen of Ayedeeveedov! Ye knowest when the red line blings, it can only mean one thing! And regardez! Dinobetes performeth the Nsync dance before he taketh the scroll at Zah-Reeyah! Tis an impossibilitum!”

But Dinobetes had been vindicated by his peers. And he rejoiced. Yeah did he strip himself of his finery and came to the square of Twilistia in his loin cloth, his body covered in white war paint, and he sang and chanted a song of victory. “Behold, I am Dinobetes Melitus the great! I am the arrow of truth! I am he that darest to stand in defiance on the streets of Shiwajun! Let this be a lesson, that when a weakling decides to ensnare a warrior, he setteth himself up for the beating of his life. Selah, niccurs!”

And behold, there was laughter and mirth in the land, and the people forgot about the unchill for a little while.

 

The Chronicles of Chill: The Day of Kingsleycost

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Image with kind permission of @asukwoweb

The scribes of Gambrach were troubled by the absence of their King. For though they spake to the host that encamped around their liege, they heard not directly from the King himself. And when the people asked them, “what news have ye of our king?” the scribes would answer, “Pray ye for his quick recovery.” And the people would ask, “Recovery from what ailment? Tell us plainly, that we may know which of the gods to propitiate.” To which the scribes would respond, “Know ye not that thy king is an old man?” And the people, confused, would ask back, “Ye wouldst have us pray for his recovery from old age?” And the scribes would be irritated and would say in anger, “Depart and be gone! Ye lovers of hateration!”

Thus it was, one day in their weekly scribely gatherings, the men of the spinning quills looked at each other, unsure what they should write. They had tried to be strong in their tarrying for their King but their faith was being tested.

The people were singing the praise of Osinoshin, the pretend King. For unlike Gambrach he was yet within the realm of youth and he spake that which the people desired that Gambrach wouldst speak. And he went to places that the people desired Gambrach to go. And some of the people exclaimed, “Behold, a real king on the throne! See how he surpasseth Gambrach in everything!”

And this didst piss off the league of the spinning quills, for how dare the people think such a thing. Lo, didst they respond with a flurry of angered parchment, “Citizens of the kingdom, do not be unfortunate. Know ye not that Osinoshin is only that which Gambrach maketh and letteth him be? Take ye heed, that if ye see Osinoshin, ye see Gambrach. If he speaketh, tis the voice of Gambrach which ye hearest! Behold, if he polluteth the air by fart, know ye now for shizzle, tis the innards of Gambrach which thou smellest! For Gambrach is supremely supreme, suckers!”

But they were troubled, for real. There whispers of abdication, even as noise came from the northsteros that if Gambrach could not serve for 1 quadrannium and then another, they were entitled to put forward a young and healthy king in his stead. And the quills wondered what would become of them if this happened.

“Brothers, come what may,” said FemCallamitus, “I will write of the mercies of Gambrach forever, I will write of the mercies of the King. With my quill, will I make known his awesomeness to all generations!”

And one of the younger scribes, Bah Shally, was moved in his chest and also made a declaration. “My quill shall bless Gambrach at all times. His praise shall continuously flow from my ink. O magnify the king with me and let us exalt his name together!”

Yea, did Lar Yi, also proclaim with them, “It is a great thing to serve Gambrach! It is a great thing to serve Gambrach; walking in the light of the king. Oh, walk, walk, walk, walk, walking in the light! Since I was young, now I am old, I have never seen our king changeth!”

And as they were all there in their moment of profuse and obligatory adulation, behold there was rumbling of the ground, a closing and shutting of doors and windows and a kanayonic sound effect of nollywoodinian supernaturalism, and the room was at once filled with smoke. And then all who were in heard a deep voice say, “if you love Gambrach, let me hear you say yeah-yeah!” And the quills answered, “YEAH, YEAH!!!”

Behold, the smoke at once cleared, and revealed Gambrachoid flames dancing on the head of the adulating men of quill. And they were lost in an orgasmic frenzy of ecclesiastical griotism. Luckily for us all brethren, right at that very second, the painter Soo Quo was passing by and quickly recorded the scene for posterity. To him we owe the illiustration of this chapter.

And as the flames petered out and the tears fried from their faces, the scribes emerged from the room to testify to the people, speaking a new tongue. Twas revealed that the name of this new tongue was Frivolee.

First to speak was FemCallamitus. “Brethren! People of the kingdom! The spirit of Gambrach descended upon me and lo did he speak to me. Usually, he would call me Callamitus but today he called me by my hibernian nickname O’Scorpion! My king called me Fem O’Scorpion and told me to greet my household. Now I know that my redeemer liveth! And I am blessed from my soul into my loins!”

And Lar Yi and Bah Shally also testified. “Oh what a glorious day! We have heard the voice of our king and dwelt in his presence! Repent, ye haters. Ye mischief-makers! For he returneth soon! And when the king comes, will he find you as diligent and faithful as we the scribes of the spinning quill? Will ye partake of his glorious and tremendous kingdom?”

And then all eyes turned to Lay Si, to hear his testimony. But he testifieth not. Perhaps because he knew the ancient words handed down to the ancient prophet, Kirkus Lazarussia, which sayeth, “Ye shall never go fullus retardus!”  So they turned to Gar Bar. But Gar Bar was full of regret, for he had missed the visitation of Gambrach, having dashed out for a few seconds to make sure that Osinoshin was not being unduly acclaimed. “Dammit!” he muttered under his breath.

Brethren, there was chill in the land that day. Lo, the people were amused, full of mirth and very chilled. That day of visitation came to be known as the Blessed Day of Kingsleycost.

Selah, homies.

 

 

 

The Chronicles of Chill: The Balavidan Epistle & the Siege of SurroundedBySenegalistan

Letter

The Trumpet finally blew from the Hill and a new world order of tremendousness began in the Kingdom of Trumpstantinople, which was witnessed in Judea, Samaria and yea, unto all the ends of the earth. And they many were the host that encamped around the ascension of the blowing of the Trumpet but yea were they not nearly as many as witnessed the two coronations of the two quadrannia of King Baraccus. Or so it was thought, for King The Trumpet was sorely vexed at insinuations of anything less than his coronation being the fairest, most tremendously viewed of them all. And yea, did he send his head scribe, FrankSpencer, to announce to the people that lo, it had been the best coronation since coronations began, period.

In the land of Gambrach, there was a signal from across the lands to the west that King Jamming of SurroundedBySenegalistan, after reigning for one score and two years and losing to Flavour’s TomatoJos, was refusing to vacate the throne. This was a big worry for the regional kings, and they quickly gathered in the palace of Gambrach to deliberate on what to do. They were all there – Queen Sirloin Steak of Ro Via, King Plagiariser of Chalehstan and King Big Mack Daddy of Wollofia. Yea, did they enter into conclave and emerged, resolved not to let SurroundedBySenegalistan descend into anarchy. And behold, they began to move their military formations towards King Jamming.

They also rode to the Castle of King Jamming and pleaded with him to heed the word of the people. But Jamming was adamant. “My voice is the voice of the people!” he proclaimed. And when the kings and queen left, they sent a further emissary with a message that their armies were approaching and would force him out if he did not yield. In response, he raised his foot, kicked the emissary into a deep well and yelled, “THISH ISH SHPART..oh, I mean… THISH ISH SHURROUNDEDBYSENEGALISTAN!!!”

With all his unmitigated bravado, it was a grand surprise that his troops offered no resistance as the coalition armies entered their land. They had seen the movie 300 and knew that no glory awaited them because in the regions below the great desert of Sah Har, no death for country is a good death, or indeed a useful one. And King Jamming departed and TomatoJos ascended the throne. Porokoto pon pon pon.

The exertion of all the horseback diplomacy and the surrounding tension proved too much for Gambrach. And so he proceeded on recess, writing to the Abushola and the senatii, that he would be away for 10 days. Some people who think they know everything quickly brought out their abacuses (or is it abaci?) and calculated that Gambrach was going away for more than 10 days, but they knew nothing. Gambrach also added that he would use the opportunity of his recess to see his meisters in Jandinia again, but did not elaborate.

The rumblings of unchill quickly began in the land, with intense speculation about the abrupt recess of Gambrach in a time of recession and wailing, and weather or not the Many Years with which he was afflicted had grown worse.

It was also in this time that the day of the prophecy of the return of the spirit of MoolahMagicMarvel was supposed to return to the land. But behold, the spirit had heard the cries of its adherents from far away in Putinia and returned to the people 2 days ahead of the day prophesied. And the worshippers ntoined to the unbelievers, telling them ‘we told thee! If only ye would have had faith. If only ye had believed, ye too would partake of these reloaded blessings the spirit is about to unload.”

And the spirit spake to its worshippers. “Guess who’s back in the moolah magic house, with some cash chips for ya moolah marvel mouths?” And the worshippers went into a frenzy. ” ‘Tis thee, oh great MoolahMagicMarvel, great benevolent ponzinian spirit. Tis thee!”

“That’s right! It is me! And I bring glad tidings of great joy. They who waited upon me shall renew their vim. But not immediately, however, as the number of waiters is really tremendous. So, in my beneficence and ultimate moolah wisdom, I shall reopen the doors to my temple in slow-motion. Ye may look at it and it may seem that nothing happeneth, but this is the marvel of slow motion. For ye shall only see it, if ye believe, when it is done!”

The worshippers were ecstatic. And they watched. And although nothing seemed to be happening, this was what the great spirit had said would happen. And they watched some more. And tis said, that many remain watching till this day, unbeknownst to them that the high priest of the MoolahMagicMarvel had fled with his family ‘to abroad’. For those that stayed woke, it was evident that the spirit had eaten up their offerings and that there would be no more blessings. For lo, the spirit had gone silent. And there was a little more rumbling of unchill.

Behold, news then reached the people that Gambrach had sent an epistle to the senatii in response to the report of senatii on the intervention council led by Balavida, and its encounter with the deadly grass corruptio korikonensis and kwarapta intrusivo. And Abushola read Gambrach’s letter to the men and women of senatii.

Dear Senateens,

Peace and greetings from London. Now knoweth I, verily, that Yellowman lyeth not in his riddim from the 1980s, because right now, “London Kwold, repeat again, repeat again, London Kwold. Nigeria nice, repeat again, repeat again, Nigeria nice.” But enough of the doxology.

I am not unaware that some of ye were of the assumption, when Abushola thy Warden stood up to read this scroll, that I was about to request that Lord Nono Gengen be confirmed by ye as Primus Magistratus in the land. Well, unfortunately for those who thought so, that is not the purpose of this letter. Nono Gengen go dey alright.

This letter is in response to your allegations about the squire to my council, Balavida. Thou wishest, nay, desirest, that I dismiss him from the council on the charge that he may have used too much of the funds for intervention in north easteros to cut weeds that obscured his path.

First of all, have ye not read the story of Sleeping Beauty? When a spell was cast around the castle to keep Prince Philip from reaching the tower and an invasive and resilient plant formation grew around the castle, which specie of weed do you think he had to cut through to complete his rescue mission? Excatly. Kwarapta Intrusivo. And he needed a magic sword! I did not even give Balavida a magic sword! This is my first technicality.

Secondly, ye know that I am a renowned rearer of cattle. In fact, my two main hobbies in life are hating corruption and breeding cows. And I am renowned for both. When you breed cows, sometimes you have a favourite. People sometimes call your favourite cows ‘sacred cows’ but this is an alternative fact. Balavida  is akin to such a favourite for me, and special cows eat special grass. If a favourite cow wants to eat 2 strains of special grass, what is the problem? This is my second technicality.

Thirdly, ye know that I abhor corruption. I detest it so much, that I can smell it from kilometres away. Behold, the stench is more putrid than bullshit. And ye know that I know bullshit because I breed bulls. Now, if being such a great smeller of corruption from afar, I smelled it not on Balavida from anear, how can I believe your feeble petition, signed by so few senateens? This is my third technicality.

Here ye then what I say. Technicality wise, Balavida stays, for now.

And the spirit of wawu descended into the midst of the people. They could not believe that these were the words of Gambrach. And once again, all over the land, except in SurroundedBySenegalistan, there was no gaddem chill to be found.

The Chronicles of Chill: The Savor of Celebritine

savourpost

Brethren, the chill in the land was an uneasy one because there was much wailing. The wailing was louder than it ever was or ever had been because the Lovengers were wailing as well. No more did they take pride in the King’s posture, no basked in the glory of his utterances nor inhaled deeply the fragrance of his kaka. The wailing reached Bedrock, but all refused to hear it for it was better to be infused with the membrane of the Many Years’ disease, which troubled the King.

The people were united in their wailing for many-a-reason. The Iron Bank of Boo Jar had run out of copper and had taken to disbursing coins of wood. Mefilius ensured that that the King and his councillors had all the wooden coin they needed, in copious amounts. The councillors were mildly worried that the coin of the Kingdom was flammable and combustible but it took care of their many needs.

At senatii, Dinobetes Melitus presented the matter of the camp of the displaced and the corruptio korikonensis. For word had come forth that the council for that Balavida, who was squire to the King’s council, had been put in charge of the succour-bringing intervention council of Gambrach and had paid himself from the King’s purse to cut the corruptio korikonensis. And the men and women of senatii were filled with rage and called for Gambrach to relieve him of his post.

Word reached Balavida that this was the will of senatii concerning him and he said unto them with full vim and vigour, “Ye people of senatii, ye speakest rubbish. Know ye not with whom ye dealest? Una head no correct.” And the senatii heard it and they were like, “Wawu! The effrontery! How dare he say this?” And Abushola, warden of senatii, whose travails were now long since forgotten, for whom wahala was no longer morghulis, said “‘Tis a very serious matter before us brethren Balavida messeth with our swag!”

Brethren, ye know that of all the swag in the land, of all the imbuement of the sweet aroma of gravitas, none was more endowed than E-Dawg, councillor for petrolatum. And E-Dawg had been busy, yo. E-Dawg had voyaged to the congress of the Oligopoly of Petrolatum Conjurers and after a conclave with them, it was agreed that all but the Kingdom of Gambrach would conjure less petrolatum. And as E-Dawg stepped out of the conclavic congress, behold, the prayers of Gambrach were answered, as the price of petrolatum ascended.

And the people asked him, “How achievest thou this feat, E-Dawg?” And he answereth unto them, saying “You know, I’m just gonna be straight with you mehnn…it’s my pimping navy blue suit. You put on pimping threads and keep things 1 hunned, let me tell you mahn, can’t nobody take ya pride, can’t nobody hold you down, oh no, you’re gonna keep on moving. Peace out.” And E-Dawg left them marvelling at the trail of swag he left behind.

In further account of marvelousity, a new spirit traversed the land. The people were divided in their reception of the spirit, for it was unlike the spirits of Wawu and Egbami to which they had grown accustomed. To some it was a benevolent spirit, to others it had a malevolent agenda. It was a spirit of ponzification and its name was MoolahMagicMarvel. It strongly possessed the people of the land causing them to bring their coin, scarce as it was, with a promise to marvelously and magically multiply it. The bankers of Boo Jar warned the people but they would not heed the word, and many emptied their coffers into the temple of MoolahMagicMarvel. For a while, the spirit kept its promise and more followers came. One morning, as the devotees gathered for worship, the temple was sealed shut and the sexton passed a message from the priests unto the people. The spirit though pleased with them was unhappy with their lack of faith and would cause them to desire him more be departing from them for 2 moons!

“Whither our coin?” the people asked. The sexton replied “It is safe in the temple.”

“But we are in need of our coin. In dire need of it. Some of us have sold land, others abandoned our education. What shall we do.”

“Ye shall occupy until the great spirit returneth. Forget ye not, that the most benevolent great spirit had admonished thee, that thou bringest only thy spare coin? If ye doest beyond this and heedeth not the admonition of the great spirit, thou art O-Y-O.”

And brethren, there began to be unchill.

Back in senatii, Magoo awaited confirmation of his appointment as chief of the Everly Failing at Convictions Commission – so that he he would really begin his war of marvel, awe and shock against graft in the land. But a scroll had been delivered to senatii, from the Deliverance Squad Squadron, that Mr Magoo did not come to their equity with clean hands. Mr. Magoo neverhessperredit and quickly sent a pigeon to Kyocera, head of the Squadron.

“Dear Kyocera, senatii sayeth unto me that thou bringest a word against me. How can this be? Together we wrought havoc on corrupt judges, not giving a second thought to due process. Thou wert Butch Cassidy and I thy Sundance Kid. Thou wert Batman and I thy Robin. Thou wert Aki and I your PawPaw. Thou knowest, surely that Nollywood maketh not a movie with just Aki! Thou art but the fakest guy.”

Kyocera received the missive from Mr. Magoo and quietly wrote back by return pigeon. “Behold, it is written, on the evil day many will say to me, Dawg, Dawg, ridest I not with thee? Breakest I doors down not with thee? Arresteth not I the grafters in thy name? And I shall say to them, not everyone that rideth with me be my homeboy. Depart from me for I knowest thee not. I say these not to thee however, until thou callest me a fake guy. Behold my pettiness!”

Such was rare in the land and the people thought this meant trouble for Mr. Magoo. But there was an ancient pharisee in the land, much revered, much versed in the law of the land. So versed was he, that he had written several scrolls. And his name, aptly, was Sagacious. Gambrach had appointed Sagacious as chief of the king’s advisory council on graft (another council, yes, the chronicler only records the Tword as it is revealed). Since Sagacious became a courtesan, it seemed to the people that his voice had changed. Sagacious came to the people and said, “In the matter of Mr. Magoo, the most unprecedentedly competent head of the Everly Failing at Convictions Commission, we shall be ignoring the law of the land, ignoring senatii, and we shall leave Mr. Magoo there for as long as we like. Thus sayeth me! And I say, as Judge Dredd sayeth in the original Stallone movie (not the dreary Karl Urban remake), I AM DE LAW!!!!”

And there was amazement at the words of Sagacious. And there again began to be even more unchill. But a storm was coming, for Gar Bar, head scribe to Gambrach had found his voice again and spoke to the people as it concerned the wedding of Asos and Noodlinho.

“O wretched people of the land, downtrodden of the earth, hoi polloi of our society, ye knowest that the wedding of Gambrach’s daughter Asos to her betrothed, Noodlinho, is ordinarily an occasion of pomp and pageantry – an occasion full of celebritine savor. I say this not unaware of your tribulations; but ye are wretched and my voice, the voice of Gambrach is a blessing unto thee!”

The people were taken aback.

“In a medium-rare, well done, or perhaps only a rare twist, depending on how much thou likenest a twist to a steak, the King has insisted that this wedding shall be entirely private affair.”

The people were confused. But Gar Bar continued.

“This celebritine savor will yet permeate this glorious occasion. Thy king is the bestest most humblest king ever and he protesteth at feeding his guests at the wedding banquet from the Kingdom’s purse. We, his glorious aides, including Balavida – he who cutteth corruptio korikonensis and payeth himself handsomely with money from the King’s purse – have taken it upon ourselves to feed the King’s guests. Thank us, ye peasants, and smell the savour of our magnanimity!”

Behold, chill again departed the land!

The Chronicles of Chill: Kwarapta Intrusivo

grass

Brethren, electoralis came and went in Ondonia and the people were blessed with a new king, Ketinski. The emergence of Ketinski from House Apicuria had sore vexed Shiwajun and it was said that Shiwajun stood with another at electoralis. Alas, there was to be no Wahala Morghulis unleashed this time. And for a while, there was chill.

This was until word reached the people that Gambrach had delayed the joining of his daughter Asos, to Noodlinho. It was said that the people of Noodles came with much lavishiousness to the house of Gambrach forgetting that he was a still in his heart an ascetic man of Gunn. But Noodles promised to do his utmost best to appear less lavish and all was quickly well and there was chill.

Even in the council of Gambrach there was chill. No word was heard from Lar Yi for many moons – twas said that he said, in his inner chamber, that there was only so much plaster that could be plastered on a wall. Mefilius had abandoned the Iron Bank of Boo Jar and was touring the country looking for new fragrances of rice to sniff. “I shall not return to Boo Jar until I have smelt all the rices of the world!” he declared. Woo Doo, who was councillor for farming held his peace, for it was okay to have your guy do some of your work for you.

For DaKidney, there was an inter-kingdom duel of women athletes, holding in the neighbouring Kingdom of Mei Roon. And DaKidney, who was Gambrach’s councillor of athletism, told his fellow councillors, “Behold and Yo, I head to Mei Roon.” Shittinski was jealous and said to DaKidney, “How I wish that I couldest change my name to DaGlove and roll with thee to Mei Roon.”

But Shittinksi had troubles to tend to at home. For the meisters of telefonia, under his prefecture, had announced to the people that a higher levy was henceforth payable on telefonestations (a super means of communication). And a cry rose from the people and went to Shittinski and they said, “Shittisnki! Or DaGlove! However thou choosest to be called. Hear our cry. Is it right, what the meisters would do to us? Wilst thou sit aside and observe?” And Shittinski replied, “Thou callest my names well but I am merely a courtesan of Gambrach. Yes, the meisters are under my prefecture but I know not whether they be right or wrong.” And then he shrieked, hee-hee, and grabbed himself in the region which if he were a woman, in the nature of Trumpet, would be his p…shahmawn! Never mind.

And in this time, the female athletes had been victorious and had triumphed over all the other kingdoms. Behold, the people were ecstatic as the brave warrior women received their crowns. But it was not long before news reached the people that no payment had been made to the athlete ladies. After the embarrassment of Olympia, the people were sure that lightning could no strike twice. But they were shocked, for DaKidney explained to them in his most confident voice “Verily, I say unto thee, I now work tirelessly to see that these beautiful falcon athletes get their coin. They would indeed have received their coin but alas, we did not expect them to win the inter-Kingdoms in Mei Roon. Yes, tis true that they have triumphed 7 out of 9 times and my surprise is a surprise to you, but had we known that they stood a REAL chance of winning, we would indeed have prepared their coin.”

The spirit of Wawu dwelt amongst the people already, so they were not shocked at DaKidney. Nothing shocked the people anymore. Well, almost nothing, for in North Easteros, a little storm was brewing. Not the evil force of the evil tribe of Boko but still, connected with to the people driven from their lands by the tribe. Gambrach had commissioned a special intervention council to bring succor to the displaced, but there was a huge, huuuuuge problem encountered by the intervention council. On their way to the camp of the displaced, they ran into a huge forest of tall grasses, of the specie corruptio korikonensis, also known as CK. The CK was so dense that they had to expend 200 million Mefilian shekels on clearing the grass.

Once it was cleared, they continued on their journey into the camp of the displaced, singing that ancient motivational song, Follow the Yellow Brick Road. Not long after, they came across yet another swamp of obstructive weeds. They did their very best but the weeds were really obstructive. This is because these new weeds were of the specie kwarapta intrusivo. They thought long and hard about it and realised that they had no choice but to spend a few hundred more Mefilian shekels clearing it.

Such was their hard luck, that by the time they reached the camp of the displaced, there was very little left of the money to feed the displaced. If not for those dastardly forest species blocking the yellow brick road. But it got worse, for senatii wished to take a look at the activities of the intervention council and they found that two and a half billion shekels of the succor-bringing funds could not be accounted for. And lo, they looked closer and found the Majirian Institutions of Learning whose existence had previously been denied.

And there was chill because everyone was tired, and we cannot come and go and die.

The Chronicles of Chill: In the Midst of Unchill…

 

Gaza Explosions

As the reign of Gambrach rolled on, the twelfth month of his appointment of his Council came to pass. The people cast the eyes of their minds back over the year to consider all the Council had achieved over the year. Lo, they looked, and what they saw stretched to the ends of what their minds’ eyes could see. Behold, it was a gigantic, stupendous, impressively robust agglutination of nothing and hot air.

Osinoshin the Comer Comelion was still coming and going with dreams of what the King would someday do. Yudo Mah had lost the coinage of the land to the demon Missingstopheles, Shittinski had spent the entire year admiring his newly sequinned glove. Fasholas, past Giderian king, had spent it blaming the reign of Gejoshaphat for his confoundment. Kem Shun had grown increasingly reticent, perhaps because there was no longer anything new that could be said. Mefilius to tinker with the coin with skoinskoin, the ancient financial philosophy of Wan Tchans, leading to a recessive depression in the land.

The people cried out to Gambrach, believing there was a balm in the Gilead of Bedrock but Gambrach had other things on his mind. Asos, his daughter the fair maiden, was to be wed with the son of Noodles, man of great wealth. And when the wedding was announced, unchill swept through the land, for Asos was only a score and one year old, and as such, only three years into adulthood. But she was full grown and her betrothed wealthy. Furthermore, Gambrach had assured the people that the joining of his daughter and the son of Noodles in matrimony would not be a lavish affair. Even the Lovengers had stopped living by every word that proceeded from the mouth of Gambrach, but on this occasion, the people decided to wait and see.

It was also in that time that Lord Soukey, the father of Darth Soukey, deposed Tsar of Koh Toh, died. Darth Soukey remained in the prison, with no progress on his trial, as between Mr. Magoo and the Deliverance Squad, they were yet to gather evidence upon which he could be convicted. Darth Soukey was restrained from attending the funeral of his father, for the Everly Failing at Convictions Commission was afraid that Darth Soukey would find refuge with the monarchists loyal to the Soukey royal house and no longer be available to be held indefinitely by them.

Luckily for Soukey, former king Gejoshaphat under whom he served, was around to ensure that the sting of his absence would not be too severe. As Gejospahat’s chariot rode into Koh Toh, he was welcomed by many people greeting him happily. “Oh Gejoshaphat, how we hunger and thirst for thy second coming! Oh that thou wouldst come back and be our king again in the next quadrannium!” And yea, did they also line up to bid him farewell after Lord Soukey was interred, and watch his chariot disappear in the distance.

As Gejoshaphat’s chariocade disappeared, news reached the Twillistines and Social Medianites that the men and women of junior senatii had arranged for the procurement of 2 gross, 1 score and 1 dozen brand new chariots. Already ensconced in unchill, the people were very irritated. “How dare these junior senatines do this in the midst of our woes? Know they not that many workers whose wages are paid from the coin have yet to be paid? See they not our suffering?”

To which the spokesperson of juior senatii responded, “Oh ye Twillistines, ye are our brethren. We do not buy these chariots to ride over your corpses into glory. No! We buy them to enable us do our glorious work of making laws for you. Yea, many of us were poor and chariotless like you before we entered into the junior senatii. We can no longer just be walking upandan like ye do, to do our work.”

But the people were not appeased, and they grumbled loudly. So loudly, that a former member of Gambrach’s former house (for Apicuria was a fusion), a man named Boo Bar remarked in the village square, “Alas, pity for Gambrach filleth my heart, for everyone has turned against him, even the Lovengers for whom he could previously do no wrong. Verily, I say unto him, that if he put himself forward for electoralis into the next quadrannium, I do not see him emerging victorious.”

Boo Bar’s statement was heard very promptly in Bedrock. Many Years did not keep this prophecy from being heard. Immediately, Gar Bar’s quill swung into action. “Oh, Boo Bar, thou hater! Why speakest thou of a thing thou knowest not? For thine information, each person that supported Gambrach before still standeth behind him gidigba! For he stealeth not their money. And he keepeth corruption at bay by stiffling commerce, so that rulers of the land have less to steal. Thou hatest Gambrach longtime because he giveth thee no appointment like he giveth his ride or die homies. I wouldest that thou be better, not bitter.”

And it was time for electoralis in Ondonia again, following quickly after that of Edossopotamia. In Edosspotamia, the 2 quadrannia of Sho Mo Leh were up, just as the quadrannia of Mee Koh in Ondonia. And in the midst of the storm of unchill swirling through the land, there were whispers. Whispers that Shiwajun would no longer stand with House Apicuria in Ondonia…